As a father of two beautiful young girls, I am privileged to occupy a front seat to their life’s journeys and seeing them grow and develop to the amazing wonderful adults that they will be. I have to admit that given their young age (2 and 5), I am still learning a lot of things. Sometimes I feel like they teach me more than I teach them. Makes me think about the statement that I saw somewhere in a psychology book that a lot of who we truly are already manifests itself between 1 and 7 years old. This does put pressure on one to really think of those initial seven or so years of their child’s development.

One topic that seems to be coming up a lot these days is gender identity and gender roles (especially with kids). While I do not claim to be an expert there, I can provide you with my perspective as a father. You see I witnessed certain situations where my daughter was being told by other kids or even parents/adults that she is not a “typical” girl. They do not say directly but it sure comes across clearly sometimes. Despite the fact that our entourage and society is quite exposed to such topics and tends to be aware of “stereotyping”, we still sometimes hear comments of the sort: “Why do you like to play with boy toys? (other kids asking my daughter who likes dinosaurs and robots), Why do you not like a princess dress for a birthday party? We have pink over there for her sir ! (my daughter hates pink! ) etc.” Mind you, they often do not see that she also likes nail polish, dressing up, all kinds of arts, necklaces and beads, is super sensitive etc. you get the picture. This made me wonder what I can do about it and I started discussing this topic with other fathers around me to see their perspective on this. It became clear that this is not isolated to one direction. In some cases it was the same but with a “boy” who expressed interest in what others might describe as “girly” stuff. Please note, I am aware that this kind of debate does already take place with kids at schools and in playgrounds and is sometimes used to tease. Nothing new there. Not that it is right either. However, what was significant to me is that how early this can start and can affect our children. So what can we do about it ?

Well, I believe it is our responsibility as fathers to support our kids in their development and encourage them in shaping their understanding of gender roles so that we break this cycle of misunderstanding and jumping to stereotypes.

We, fathers play a crucial role in shaping our children’s understanding of gender roles, attitudes, and behaviors. Traditionally, societal norms have assigned specific roles and expectations based on gender, reinforcing stereotypes that limit both boys and girls. However, focusing on us fathers as agents of change hopefully brings a new perspective to the conversation on gender roles and challenges us to rethink traditional notions.

Challenging Traditional Stereotypes:

We have the power to actively challenge traditional gender norms and broaden the range of possibilities for our children. By demonstrating that qualities like sensitivity, nurturing, and emotional expression are not confined to a specific gender, we break down societal barriers. Engaging in activities that defy traditional gender roles, we can teach our children that interests, skills, and responsibilities should be determined by personal choice and passion, rather than by prescribed gender roles.

Instilling Values of Equality:

We have a profound opportunity to instill the importance of gender equality in our children. By fostering conversations that promote fairness, respect, and equal opportunities for all, we fathers help shape our children’s understanding of equitable relationships. Treating all family members with equity and respect, we can exemplify the significance of equality in our own actions. Engaging children in discussions about prevalent gender stereotypes in media, society, and everyday life empowers them to challenge biased representations and think critically about gender norms.

Cultivating Empathy and Emotional Intelligence:

We have a unique role to play in nurturing emotional intelligence and empathy in their children, regardless of gender. By validating feelings and creating a safe space for emotional expression, we fathers empower our children to embrace a wide range of emotions. Active listening, demonstrating compassion, and understanding different perspectives, fathers model empathy. This teaches their children that empathy is essential for building healthy relationships and creating a more compassionate society.

Fostering Respectful Relationships:

Fathers who model respectful behavior toward all individuals, irrespective of gender, contribute significantly to their children’s understanding of respectful relationships. Emphasizing the importance of consent, setting boundaries, and effective communication in all types of interactions, fathers equip their children with the skills necessary for cultivating healthy and egalitarian relationships throughout their lives.

Why Fathers? Why is it Important?

While motherhood undeniably has a profound influence on children’s lives, highlighting fatherhood as an agent of change when it comes to gender roles provides an additional perspective. Historically, discussions surrounding gender roles and stereotypes have often focused on the roles and expectations placed on women and mothers (varies from country to country of course / yet remains dominant in general). By adding the focus on fathers, I hope to acknowledge our significant impact and challenge the notion that shaping gender attitudes and behaviors is solely the responsibility of mothers/motherhood. It is unfair even to put all that responsibility on our partners only. A quick parenthesis on same sex couples: it might be a bit more challenging to identify the clear split in roles here. It would be interesting to observe how similar dynamics can develop and how they shape the kids. I still believe that it is possible to have a very similar “setup” (again regardless of gender) and without the typical gender connotation re-emphasizing the point in this article on openness in understanding gender roles.

To conclude: We fathers have to realize that we have a vital role to play in redefining gender roles and promoting equality. By challenging traditional stereotypes, instilling values of equality, cultivating empathy and emotional intelligence, and fostering respectful relationships, we become catalysts for change.

Recognizing the impact of fathers in shaping their children’s understanding of gender challenges us to embrace a more inclusive perspective on gender dynamics. Together, motherhood and fatherhood have to work towards creating a society where individuals are free to express themselves authentically, breaking free from the constraints of traditional gender roles once and for all.

Written by: Michael Malek

References

1. “The Mask You Live In” by Jennifer Siebel Newsom (Documentary Film)

This documentary explores how society’s narrow definition of masculinity affects boys and men. It highlights the importance of fathers in challenging traditional stereotypes and promoting healthier expressions of masculinity.

2. “The Achilles’ Heel: Men’s Role in the Father-Daughter Relationship” by T.G. Weldon

This book explores the impact of fathers on their daughters’ development and how fathers can challenge traditional gender norms to foster their daughters’ self-esteem, resilience, and empowerment.

3. “Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive” by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell

While not exclusively focused on fathers, this book explores the importance of emotional attunement and connection between parents and children. It offers insights into how parents, including fathers, can foster emotional intelligence and empathy in their children.

4. “The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

This book emphasizes the significance of parental presence and emotional attunement in promoting healthy child development. It provides guidance for fathers on how to create a safe and empathetic environment that nurtures emotional intelligence and empathy.

5. “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting” by John Gottman and Joan DeClaire

This book explores the concept of emotional intelligence in children and provides practical strategies for parents, including fathers, to foster emotional intelligence and empathy. It offers insights into how fathers can model and promote these qualities within the parent-child relationship.

6. “The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

While not specifically focused on fathers, this book highlights the importance of integrating emotional and rational aspects of the brain for healthy child development. It provides practical techniques for parents, including fathers, to cultivate empathy, emotional intelligence, and effective communication with their children.

Thank you for reading through this. If you like more articles like this, follow me on medium or on www.seekmike.com .

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